Meet Your Two New Best Friends
Since the name of my weekly column is Equipping People for (a better) Life, I am introducing you to your two new best friends in the future. Their names are Focus and Awareness. If these two do indeed become your new best friends in the present, life will be less frustrating to navigate. After all, the idea of life is to grow up before you grow old.
My veteran friend, Grady Daniels, says, “Focus is simply doing the things that need to be done now and correctly. Awareness is a broader focus, if you will, on the factors that might affect the success of those endeavors.”
Let's say the task is to lift a heavy table. Focus lifts one end of the table, and awareness lifts the other. The task was completed because focus and awareness knew what to do and were willing to come together to do it. Let me explain how focus and awareness work together in a military incident.
During the Korean War, General Douglas MacArthur had just completed the destruction of the North Korean army in one of the most brilliant campaigns in American military history. His focus was winning the war in Korea, and he had done that. With incredible focus, MacArthur had finished his task, or had he?
He neglected, however, to consider that two hundred thousand screaming Chinese just across the Yalu River were taking severe exception to his plan. He knew they were there (he was not stupid), but he either was not or refused to be aware that they might jump him. Well, they jumped him, and MacArthur and the rest of the US forces in Korea had a very nasty time for the next few months because of his lack of awareness.
This historical account illustrates a life principle I call the Principle of Focus and Awareness. Focus is essential to doing what we must do, but awareness is strategic in determining how it is done. Notice this principle is a ‘both/and,’ not an ‘either/or.’ One friend without the other is incomplete.
As General MacArthur discovered, focusing without having awareness is trouble. Focus without awareness may be unintentional, but the results can be disastrous. Awareness is the key to any good campaign or mission that we do. Awareness enhances the probability of getting to where our focus wants us to go. Focus without awareness causes a small-picture approach to life, work, ministry, relationships, and the community.
On the other side of the coin is awareness without focus. Some people are so aware they never get anything constructive done. They do not accomplish; they ponder. This is especially true in the academic and governmental realms of our society. Academia tends to be so aware that it loses its focus on doing what it was created to do, i.e., educating and equipping its students for their careers. The government tends to be driven by polls and politics more than by its assignment to govern the country and uphold the Constitution.
To be successful in community transformation, the church needs to be both focused on its mission and be aware of the community climate and culture. Sometimes, the church gets so focused on itself that it becomes unaware of what is happening in culture and society. That’s a disconnect. God didn’t save Christians from the world. God saved Christians for the world, i.e., to make the world a place worth living in.
Here’s my final example. What do many women say about men? What do many wives say about their husbands? They just do not get it; they are clueless. Cluelessness is not the same as intentionality. Intentionality means that something is done on purpose.
A husband may do things that provoke or mystify his wife, but that does not mean he does those things intentionally. He may often be unaware of how his actions affect his wife. However, if he remains clueless, his wife may eventually attribute intentionality to what He is doing. Then they have real trouble. Cluelessness is an issue of the head; intentionality is an issue of the heart. As the old saying says, “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
My advice is, husbands, get smart! Be aware of what is happening around you. Be present. Put your focus on hold for a moment. The key to a good marriage is both focus and awareness. Most men need to be more instinctively aware of women's needs. They need to become aware of how women view themselves and their issues. The excuse of cluelessness won't last long without consequences, even with great focus.
After forty-one years of marriage, I am still trying to tune into Channel Becky (my wife). A happy and fulfilling marriage is having focus and awareness in the relationship and task areas of our married lives. The ‘all-focus/no-awareness’ tendency of many men ultimately gets them, like General MacArthur, into trouble.
So, married men, if you are ‘Clueless in Seattle’ about awareness, you might end up ‘Sleepless in Seattle.’ And all the women say, “Amen!” However, many women tend to be aware but need help with focusing. Each has what the other needs to lift their table. Why don’t most men say anything about this? Get ready! It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit that his wife is wrong. And the aware man does not say, “Amen!”
Have a great week, greeting and meeting your two new friends.
Ed Delph/November 18, 2024/CCC