Connection, then Protection – Not!

Let’s start this week by exploring how you find balance in these unbalanced times with a story.

A pastor asked an older farmer dressed in bib overalls to offer grace at their morning breakfast. The farmer began to pray, saying, "Lord, I hate buttermilk." The visiting pastor opened one eye to glance at the farmer and wondered where this grace was going. The farmer loudly proclaimed, "Lord, I hate lard." Now, the pastor was growing concerned. Without missing a beat, the farmer continued, "And Lord, you know I don't much care for raw white flour." The pastor opened an eye to glance around the room and saw that he wasn't the only one beginning to look uncomfortable.  

Then, the farmer concluded his prayer. "But Lord, when you mix buttermilk, lard, and flour and bake them, I love warm, fresh biscuits. So, Lord, when things come up that we don't like or life gets hard, and we don't understand what you're saying, help us relax and wait until you are done mixing. Your answer to our prayers will probably be even better than biscuits. Amen."

I call this the Principle of Recipe. It requires correctly measuring many unique components to make a perfect cake, biscuits, or whatever. Our example above shows that lard, buttermilk, and flour are very dissimilar. Each component is not tasty at all by itself. But putting them all together makes something great. None of the components alone could ever produce what they all mixed can. Everything works if the ingredients stay in a harmonious connection, each contributing what the others lack.

Now, let me introduce you to the ultimate balance buster. Ryan North enlightens us. “Our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires the brain for protection. That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people.” I’ll add countries or anything that requires more than one component.     

Let’s take the lard in the recipe. Let’s say the lard gets proud and thinks it is the biscuit. That one-dimensional, limited thinking offends the flour, so it starts thinking flour is the biscuit and dissing the lard. Of course, the buttermilk is appalled, hurt, and offended and separates from the lard and the flour. Now, we have each one-dimensional part that once worked well together and produced something none of the ingredients alone could ever make. As a result, all three are underperforming, wounded by each other, and requiring more connection.

Now, each recipe's ingredients curl into a little ball like a sea urchin who has been hurt by being poked with a stick. Each ingredient thinks it is the only ingredient needed, and the other components are not required. The problem with protection is that protecting you from others isolates you. Then, you become a bubble. Soon, there are lots of individual bubbles running around, searching for significance and affirmation, attacking everyone who does not like it, and of course, they think they are a victim. What was once thriving in connection isolates and now survives by protection.

So, there you go. That’s our current culture and politics more than any other. Politics is out of balance. If you think the government will help you, you need a checkup from the neck-up. That way of thinking is out of balance. Thinking is difficult. That’s why most people judge. Remember, the character of the king permeates the kingdom—people who have lost their balance at the top influence those who are vulnerable to optics and sound bites under them, making it harder for community and unity.   

So, what are some answers to the disconnection and protection happening in the world right now? First, it starts with each of us seeking true and accurate balance. Balance is overcoming problems, attitudes, and especially hurts and wounds that drive us away from others. National unity starts with personal unity with yourself and others—in other words, a peaceful mind—a peaceful life.      

Here are some quotes and sayings that, if acted upon, can elevate you and the people around you. It can move you from protection back to re-connection.

“Laziness kills ambition. Anger kills wisdom. Fear kills dreams. Ego kills growth. Jealousy kills peace. Doubt kills confidence. Woundedness kills balance. Now, reread these three-word sentences from right to left.” Hello?

“Positive people are not positive because they’ve skated through life. They’re optimistic because they’ve been through hell and decided they don’t want to live there anymore.” I like that. “Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. Life will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.”  

“Success and Significance Require Replacement: Replace alcohol with water; failing with learning; overthinking with action; blame with responsibility; toxic friends with mature mentors; complaining with gratitude; Netflix marathons with sleep; fake influencers with inspiring creators; and replace “I can” with “I will.”

“Self-control in the power of the Holy Spirit is strength. Calmness is mastery. You must get to the point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence. It is possible and necessary to do this.” Author Unknown. Remember, life is an echo. Whatever you send out comes back. What you sow comes back. What you give comes back. What you see in others exists in you.

One final thought as I close. “Respect the old when you are young. Help the weak when you are strong. Confess your faults when you are wrong. Because, one day, you will be old, weak, and wrong.” Now that’s balance!

Ed Delph/July 29, 2024/CCC     Part 3